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How to Talk About Leaving the Family Home

Posted by Daniel J. Eccher, Esq. | Jun 03, 2020

Jane lived alone for many years after her husband died and the kids had moved away. She started to forget things, like putting the kettle on to boil and coming back to find the stove on fire. Her forgetfulness, together with her diabetes and osteoporosis, seemed to Jane's daughter, Carolyn, like a crisis. It was time to talk about Jane moving into a retirement community. But Carolyn shrank from starting that conversation. It was not going to be easy. 

For anybody, no matter what age, moving is one of the most challenging stressors in life. It's right up there with death of a loved one, divorce, illness, and job loss. For elders, moving can be especially traumatic. The wrench away from a familiar and loved environment, together with increasing health and financial worries, can be very painful. Resistance to the idea is understandable. How do we talk about such a thing with a loved one? 

Carolyn could start by asking Jane how she would feel about freeing herself from the labor of shopping, cleaning, and maintaining the home and garden. Jane's life had become increasingly constricted, due to loss of friends and the inability to drive at night. Moving into a community of people in the same situation could open up new opportunities for activity and companionship. 

Carolyn could point out how much wiser it would be to act now, rather than be forced to make crucial decisions in an emergency. She could also mention that the move would help her own peace of mind, too, knowing that Jane would be cared-for in a safe environment.

These days elders have much more available to them than only nursing home environments. Many retirement communities offer a wide variety of options, from independent living to advanced-care facilities. Some facilities may allow potential residents to take tours, to eat a meal, or to offer a few nights rental as a test run, to check out what life would be like there (these activities may be limited right now during the limits on visitors because of COVID-19). Some retirement communities offer perks like swimming pools, educational and entertainment programs, fitness centers, beauty shops, and clinics, all within walking distance. All these amenities promote a high quality of life, in a safe environment together with others who share similar situations. 

Can't stand the thought of a move? Senior-moving specialists, in addition to packing boxes, may provide floor-plans to show how the relocation to smaller quarters would work. 

The move away, which can seem so daunting at first, could become an opportunity to improve life in a comfortable, stimulating, and happy setting. 

All it might take to persuade Jane (or your loved one) might be a little time and patience. We are happy to facilitate such a conversations as well. 

If you have questions or need guidance in your planning or planning for a loved one, please do not hesitate to contact our office by calling us at (207) 377-6966. 

About the Author

Daniel J. Eccher, Esq.

Daniel J. Eccher, Esq. is the Managing Shareholder at Levey, Wagley, Putman & Eccher, P.A., in Winthrop, Maine. Dan's favorite problem to solve is helping clients figure out how to afford long-term care while having something left for their family.

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