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Is An "I Love You" Will the Best Way to Show You Care?

Posted by Daniel J. Eccher, Esq. | Feb 03, 2025

With Valentine's Day approaching, the stores are filled with heart-shaped candy boxes and fancy cards. Perhaps a better way to show your love for your family is to do some estate planning. 

An “I love you” will (also called a "mirror," "sweetheart," or "reciprocal" will), lets you leave your estate to your surviving spouse. Later, upon the survivor's death, the estate likely passes to their children. (It's essentially the same will, but the names are flipped.)

Here's why they're better suited to certain situations than others.

The Case for Mirror Wills

Mirror wills are often seen as a gesture of love.

Their simplicity can appeal to couples with modest estates and simple family structures. They're aimed mainly at couples whose children are related to both of them and whose circumstances don't require a trust. When both spouses want the same basic distribution plan, such simple wills provide a sense of fairness and unity without costly legal fees.

When a Reciprocal Will Doesn't Guarantee Happy Returns

“I love you” wills sometimes don't encompass future events. For the following reasons, what seems like a sweetheart deal could leave your loved ones vulnerable to unexpected challenges.

  1. Either party can change or revoke their will without the other's knowledge. For example, after one spouse dies, the survivor could change their will, going against the original mutual plan. 
  2. Mirror wills might not accommodate complex family situations or estate planning needs. The risks increase with life changes like remarriage and blended families or the birth of children.

Some potential scenarios:

  • Accidental disinheritance: If someone has children by a prior relationship and remarries, a reciprocal will would favor their new partner over their children by the prior relationship. (A trust or trusts may be helpful in this scenario.) 
  • Example: John has two children by a prior marriage, but marries Lisa and they draft reciprocal wills. John passes away, leaving everything to Lisa in their “I love you” will. Lisa remarries and leaves everything to her new husband, so John's kids get nothing - probably not what John had in mind! 
  • Legal disputes: If one spouse secretly changes their will, it could lead to challenges or family conflicts. 

Such simple wills are not always ideal for asset preservation or long-term care planning

Complex estates can also require specific arrangements like trusts or tax-planning strategies. 

Depending on a number of factors, a will might need to go through probate. A probated will becomes public record, so if you want your estate details to remain private, an “I love you will” won't accomplish that. If it suits your estate plan, a trust can avoid probate, maintain privacy, and provide more control over asset distribution. 

In Maine, couples concerned about long-term care or MaineCare eligibility may want to consider adding a contingent special needs trust (SNT) to their estate plan. 

The Best Way to Protect Your Loved Ones 

Though an “I love you” will might benefit some situations, a personalized estate plan can be a better way to show you care and preserve your final wishes despite your family dynamics and circumstances.

The ideal protection for your loved ones starts with an estate plan that doesn't leave things to chance. For a custom plan that will stand the test of time, contact us online or call (207) 377-6966 today.

About the Author

Daniel J. Eccher, Esq.

Daniel J. Eccher, Esq. is the Managing Shareholder at Levey, Wagley, Putman & Eccher, P.A., in Winthrop, Maine. Dan's favorite problem to solve is helping clients figure out how to afford long-term care while having something left for their family.

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